Throwback Thursday – Classic n8itude Original Article
Adapted from original article (circa 2005)
This whole week has essentially been a throwback week, with the eleven year anniversary of n8itude.com 1 day away, let’s take it back to one of my favorite and most under rated posts ever. The tribute to Married With Children’s football spectacular event; the incomparable Dud Bowls 1 and 2.
All the sitcoms are generically the same. Through the test of time it has always been the same show just remixed over and over again. Some shows may garner a chuckle here and there but in actuality there have been few shows that deliver the 20 minutes of buffonery that make u cry laughing. The key to the greatest shows are indeed the ones that set them apart. They look the same as all others but upon closer inspection you see the flaws. Beautiful, majestical, screaming flaws that make say “gawdamn this is one funny ass show”.
Apart from Seinfeld, the key to sitcoms is the family unit. The key to brilliant sitcoms is the f*#ked up family unit. The key to the reason these f*#ked up families are brilliant is … THE DAD. The greatest sitcom of the ‘before we were born/our parents’ era was All in The Family. Crazy ass Archie Bunker with his blatant racial slurs and anti-political correctness had our parents black, white, brown, yellow rolling off the couches with his ignorance. f*#k the Honeymooners, that shit was lame. Archie was da man. He’d be the first to tell you that.
Recently the ONLY 2 joke marathon shows to be added to the greatest (my personal) list have been
animated ones, headed by the respective patriarchs Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. Archie only really
had Mikey ‘Meathead’ Stivic as the only co-star of any worth, but The Simpsons and Family Guy had a
veritable army of underlings who could dole out the funnies at a rate equal to the ‘ideepthroat.com’ girl giving BJs.
But as great as those casts were, there are still a few members of that show that were borderline boring and filler space. There has been ONE and one show alone that followed it’s leader, the insane dad so perfectly well alongside it’s journey to stupid tv shit hall of fame utopia. Not only was the supporting cast, ALL OF THEM, ridiculously funny, but guest stars and even the extra’s were so perfectly casted that I can truly say to myself that this was the GREATEST sitcom of all time.
Now I know I’m wicked late with this post, but hey I’ve been busy making the new corkscrew incredibly
even more awesome than it was before. Oh and it was SUPERBOWL weekend, I was kinda drunk uh busy.
Now here comes the segue. A day 2 days late, but who gives a f*#k? My Superbowl special ties in with this masterpiece slapstick heaven, oh and it was on FOX too (kids assume the Fox viewing positions).
The show: MARRIED WITH CHILDREN.
The point of this post: DUD BOWL 1 and 2!!!!
Much like Norm MacDonald, ANYTHING, any nuance, facial expression or word Ed O’Neils women’s shoe
selling persona Al Bundy did, almost killed me. The minute that door opened and “A Fat woman walked into the store today …” I had to stop drinking for fear of either choking and/or spitting on my TV screen. That’s just watching reruns. The live episodes almost murdered me.
I remember always talking about the latest episode in Ms. Blairs grade 11 chemistry class so loud that I got kicked out like 6 times a month. Yes … they only air 4 per month, but when I came back the next day I had to finish my stories .. what? It’s not like I like to ramble on and on or anything. (eye rolling smiley should be planted right hurrr).
My mom is one of those Oprah followers moms, and she never even watched the show, just heard about it
and banned me and my sis from watching it. Which to me was utterly ridiculous since we both had TVs in
our rooms. How in the hell else did they think I watched Arsenio Hall during school nights?
I can’t believe I wrote so much already and I haven’t even touched on about the episodes. No wait, I can believe it.
Anyways like I said, anything Al did cracked me up. None more so than putting on that Polk High jersey
and recounting the glory days of “The time I score 4 touchdowns in one game.” Aiight Newmarket Maller
softball games comes a close second. The culmination of this legendary tale happened in Season Nine when Al and the rest of the Polk High faithful returned for a challenge game against the very team he conquered… before the red-headed monster conquered him.
The challenge happened when Al and the squad were “mourning” the loss of fellow teamate Skippy at the
new fancy sports bar , when Al’s chief rival was mouthing off and challenged him to a rematch.
Although the rivals (The First Ladies hehehe) wore bright frickin girly pink, they were hungry, pissed and UNLIKE the Polk High crew very fit and huge. Oh did I mention that team consisted of Ken Stabler,
Lawrence Taylor and Bubba Smith? Oh yes. Insert the heel team leader bringing in ringers cliche and
awaaaaay we go.
Al’s team had one other hope than Al himself. Thad. But uh … he liked to dress in Womens clothes now …
Thad: ” I had to do it, Al. All those years I felt like a woman trapped inside a man’s body.”
Al: ” We all get tired of our cars, too, but we don’t rip the doors off it.”
So they got a replacement …
So ahem … “Let’s Rock.”
Suffice to say Al became the tackling dummy and got his ass whupped
If that wasn’t enough to cement his status as the biggest born loser ever (next to Bud) he also lost a bet and his payment wasn’t pretty. No not at all.
Of course no classic MWC would be complete without Bud shrieking and getting pumelled much worse than
his papoose. So without further adieu here comes the Bud highlight reel.
How many of you KNEW even before it happened .. Bud was definitely getting flipped as a coin? I so called it.
Dud Bowl 2 came the next season but wasn’t full of NFL Hall of Famers, just one. And no actual game. The premise was that Marcy’s bank, Kyoto National, plans to donate a new scoreboard to Polk High and name it after Polk’s most famous football legend.
(none of the pics represent that 1st paragraph, but it’s Kelly and classic Al, What?? It’s from the same episode.)
Of course the legend was Al. Marcy couldn’t have that. So she did some digging and found out Hall of Fame QB Terry Bradshaw attended Polk High for 2 months.
Al got screwed again. Or did he.??? Al was pissed and set his trusty sidekicks Bud and Jefferson to blow up the scoreboard upon unveiling.
Little did Al know Daddy’s Little Girl Kelly hijacked Terry’s makeup artist and assumed the role in order to sway Terry into giving her dad the honor. It worked!!! But uh … Al didn’t know it. So minutes after the surprise unveiling of Al Bundy field, Al in a gush of glory ran towards the scoreboard, forgetting about his lunkhead henchmen, and into a world of pain and temporary deafness.
Oh yeah .. Al Bundy Field was no more.
f*#k I loved that show.
And now the article as it was originally posted and preserved in PDF.
In 2005 YouTube was a world of 10 minute clips and TV shows were getting pulled down all the time, but it’s not 2005 anymore, so I present to you in all their glory Dud Bowl’s 1 and 2!
As an added bonus me circa 2008 in my own Polk High shirt back in the ph@ cave!